1
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♪♪ [theme]

2
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[children laughing]

3
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[honking horn]

4
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[tires screeching, loud crash]

5
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[dog barking]

6
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[speaking Korean]

7
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Easy. Easy.
Are you all right?

8
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I didn't see you
till the last second.

9
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You shouldn't play
in the road like that.

10
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Wait a minute.
I want my bag.

11
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Here. Hold it.
You wanna take that.

12
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I was on my way back
to camp, you know,

13
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from an aid station.

14
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Not so fast, kids. Easy.

15
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GIRL: [speaking Korean]

16
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[speaking Korean]

17
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[arguing]

18
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Please don't fight,
okay? Don't fight.

19
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Please, I hate
coming home to a fight.

20
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[speaking Korean]

21
00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:08,693
I don't suppose anybody
speaks English here, huh?

22
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English?
You speak English?

23
00:02:11,696 --> 00:02:13,263
You speak English?

24
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I speak a little Korean,

25
00:02:14,743 --> 00:02:18,312
but just enough
to get my face slapped.

26
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[groans]

27
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Can I have
that bag, please?

28
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The bag.
Yeah. That's it.

29
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That's the one.
On the floor.

30
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Right, that.
With the red cross.

31
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Thank you.

32
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I'm a doctor.
You know? Doctor?

33
00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:32,717
How can I make you
understand "Doctor"?

34
00:02:32,761 --> 00:02:35,677
Maybe if I sent you a bill
or an old magazine.

35
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Here. Here, look. See?
See, I'm with the 4077th.

36
00:02:39,115 --> 00:02:42,031
4077. You know?

37
00:02:42,074 --> 00:02:44,903
American army hospital.
G.I. Joe. You know?

38
00:02:44,947 --> 00:02:47,036
The good guys.
Doris Day.

39
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♪ You smile,
a song begins ♪

40
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♪ You speak,
and I hear violins ♪

41
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♪ It's magic

42
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Oh, thank you.
Thank you.

43
00:02:55,479 --> 00:02:56,915
Look, no offense,
ma'am,

44
00:02:56,959 --> 00:02:59,266
but the water here
has enough germs in it

45
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you could sell it
by the slice.

46
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[shouting in Korean]

47
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Please don't holler.

48
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I have an enormous
pain in my head.

49
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It's really enormous.

50
00:03:12,017 --> 00:03:14,281
You could sell
advertising space on it.

51
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You know? Advertising?

52
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♪ Halo everybody
Halo ♪

53
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The 4077.

54
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It's about 20 miles south
of here in Oijongbu.

55
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Oh. Oijongbu.

56
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Oh. Oijongbu.

57
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MAN: Oijongbu.

58
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Oijongbu. Oijongbu.
You know?

59
00:03:33,822 --> 00:03:36,694
Oijongbu, Korea.
Right?

60
00:03:36,738 --> 00:03:38,566
All right.
I'm writing to them.

61
00:03:38,609 --> 00:03:41,090
I'm telling them to come
and get me because I'm hurt.

62
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I must be,
because I'm a doctor,

63
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and it says right here
I'm hurt.

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I want somebody
to take this note

65
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to the 4077th
in Oijongbu.

66
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Oijongbu.

67
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Oijongbu.
Oijongbu. Fast.

68
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As fast
as you can go.

69
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Please. Go fast.

70
00:03:56,714 --> 00:03:58,673
Go as fast as you can.

71
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Does she know where
Oijongbu is?

72
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-Oijongbu?
-Oh, great.

73
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Uh-oh.

74
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Uh, we may have a little
problem here, folks.

75
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My head is bleeding.
I'm sweating.

76
00:04:13,296 --> 00:04:14,776
My pulse feels
like it's playing

77
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"The Minute Waltz."

78
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Oh. Look at him.

79
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And I thought I was
in trouble.

80
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What you may have here

81
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is you may have a seat
at a public concussion.

82
00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:24,829
[speaking Korean]

83
00:04:27,571 --> 00:04:29,530
I gotta hold on.
I don't want to lose
consciousness.

84
00:04:29,573 --> 00:04:31,314
I have a feeling if
I-I go to sleep here,

85
00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:32,968
I'm gonna wake up at
the family plot in Maine.

86
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People come from
all over the state

87
00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:38,756
to look at
our tombstones.

88
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The Pierces have been
in Maine since 1680.

89
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Some of them are dead now.

90
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1680! Huh.

91
00:04:46,503 --> 00:04:49,550
We came over early.

92
00:04:49,593 --> 00:04:51,943
Alexander Pierce played
piano in the cocktail lounge

93
00:04:51,987 --> 00:04:53,771
on the Mayflower.

94
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But getting back to me,
concussion-wise,

95
00:04:56,383 --> 00:05:00,474
just talking off the top of my
possibly late, great skull--

96
00:05:00,517 --> 00:05:01,823
Oh, thanks.

97
00:05:04,086 --> 00:05:06,436
I have eight bones in my head.

98
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:10,005
You do, too. It's not just
because I make $400 a month.

99
00:05:10,048 --> 00:05:11,789
But what my problem
is now, mainly,

100
00:05:11,833 --> 00:05:15,053
is that one of my bones
may have split two for one.

101
00:05:15,097 --> 00:05:18,927
You'd be getting a check soon
if you had stock in my head.

102
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[groans]

103
00:05:21,886 --> 00:05:23,627
[groans]

104
00:05:23,671 --> 00:05:25,716
Believe me, this hurts me
a lot more than it hurts me.

105
00:05:27,239 --> 00:05:29,590
But enough of this
technical talk.

106
00:05:29,633 --> 00:05:31,069
Putting it simply,

107
00:05:31,113 --> 00:05:32,636
what has happened is
I have suffered a blow

108
00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,203
to my occipital bone

109
00:05:34,246 --> 00:05:35,987
right where it articulates
with the parietal.

110
00:05:36,031 --> 00:05:39,164
What that's called is
that's called a contrecoup.

111
00:05:40,601 --> 00:05:42,516
Ohh.

112
00:05:46,128 --> 00:05:49,479
See, what's happened here is
that my brain has sloshed over

113
00:05:49,523 --> 00:05:52,308
to the other side
of my skull,

114
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,223
and is right now, even
while I'm talking to you,

115
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turning purple.

116
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You may have noticed
certain purple patches

117
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,794
of literary excess
in my spoken word.

118
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But don't worry.

119
00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:03,754
I'll keep it clean
in front of the children.

120
00:06:03,798 --> 00:06:05,495
Actually, class...

121
00:06:05,539 --> 00:06:08,150
it is a medical fact that
there is no danger of dying

122
00:06:08,193 --> 00:06:11,109
if you fall asleep
while you have a concussion.

123
00:06:11,153 --> 00:06:12,459
But on the other hand,

124
00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:14,199
I have a reason
for staying awake,

125
00:06:14,243 --> 00:06:15,766
which is that
I'm afraid I'll die

126
00:06:15,810 --> 00:06:17,377
if I fall asleep
while I have a concussion.

127
00:06:19,204 --> 00:06:20,292
I'm just gonna keep
talking, all right?

128
00:06:23,818 --> 00:06:25,036
I remember at a party
once in college

129
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:27,387
I got sick on beer.

130
00:06:27,430 --> 00:06:28,910
So, what happened was
this football player,

131
00:06:28,953 --> 00:06:30,999
this big football player
came over to me,

132
00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:33,131
this guy named, uh,
Tank O'Melinski.

133
00:06:33,175 --> 00:06:35,177
Big guy.
You may remember him.

134
00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:37,440
He was, uh, almost
made all-American.

135
00:06:39,834 --> 00:06:42,924
Yeah. That's the one.
So, anyway, uh...

136
00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:46,231
Tank came over and he said,
"Hold onto yourself."

137
00:06:46,275 --> 00:06:48,756
He said, "Hang on to reality.
Don't get sick.

138
00:06:48,799 --> 00:06:52,586
If you let yourself go,
you're finished. Just hold on."

139
00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:54,370
I threw up all over his shoes.

140
00:06:55,719 --> 00:06:57,025
Nice guy.

141
00:06:57,068 --> 00:06:58,635
Beat the hell out of me.

142
00:06:59,854 --> 00:07:01,159
Did I tell you

143
00:07:01,203 --> 00:07:03,031
that th-the skull
has eight bones?

144
00:07:03,074 --> 00:07:05,555
It does, you know. Mm-hmm.
Have I ever lied to you?

145
00:07:05,599 --> 00:07:09,124
The occipital, the temporal,

146
00:07:09,167 --> 00:07:11,169
uh, the frontal,
two temporal,

147
00:07:11,213 --> 00:07:15,347
sphenoid, ethmoid,
two parietal.

148
00:07:15,391 --> 00:07:17,088
Why do I have the feeling
I'm losing you?

149
00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:18,568
Look-look,
forget about my skull.

150
00:07:18,612 --> 00:07:20,135
For-forget about
my concussion.

151
00:07:20,178 --> 00:07:21,789
I mean, uh, a person
needs a concussion

152
00:07:21,832 --> 00:07:24,095
like he needs a hole
in the head, you know?

153
00:07:24,139 --> 00:07:25,793
Let's keep it light.

154
00:07:25,836 --> 00:07:28,317
♪ I'm a Yankee
Doodle Dandy ♪

155
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:31,973
♪ Yankee Doodle do or die

156
00:07:32,016 --> 00:07:34,149
I can't dance.
My head hurts.

157
00:07:34,192 --> 00:07:36,543
♪ I can't dance
my head hurts ♪

158
00:07:36,586 --> 00:07:38,936
♪ I can't dance
my head hurts ♪

159
00:07:41,852 --> 00:07:42,940
That smells terrific.

160
00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:46,074
You'd laugh if I told you

161
00:07:46,117 --> 00:07:47,510
what I have a taste for
right now.

162
00:07:47,554 --> 00:07:49,599
You ready?

163
00:07:49,643 --> 00:07:52,472
A small piece of whitefish...

164
00:07:54,212 --> 00:07:59,000
or some herring
in sour cream with onions.

165
00:07:59,043 --> 00:08:01,045
Marinated herring. Mmm.

166
00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:05,310
When I was in medical school,

167
00:08:05,354 --> 00:08:07,095
trying to remember how many
bones I have in my head,

168
00:08:07,138 --> 00:08:09,053
I spent an untold
number of hours

169
00:08:09,097 --> 00:08:11,360
at the fabulous Sol
and Sol's Delicatessen.

170
00:08:11,403 --> 00:08:12,927
Not the Sol and Sol's
on Third Avenue.

171
00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:14,494
The original Sol and Sol's.

172
00:08:14,537 --> 00:08:17,279
They were brothers.
Sol and Sol.

173
00:08:17,322 --> 00:08:19,063
Nobody could ever figure out

174
00:08:19,107 --> 00:08:21,544
why their parents gave them
both the same name.

175
00:08:21,588 --> 00:08:24,547
Anyway, after a day
of cutting up the odd cadaver,

176
00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:26,549
and while the parts
and organs of the body

177
00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:28,986
were rattling
around in my head,

178
00:08:29,030 --> 00:08:31,249
I would dissect
a whitefish.

179
00:08:31,293 --> 00:08:33,513
Ah, you may have your moments
that you hold dear,

180
00:08:33,556 --> 00:08:35,079
my good sir, madam,
ma'am, children,

181
00:08:35,123 --> 00:08:36,646
fellow chickens.

182
00:08:36,690 --> 00:08:38,692
Your hearts may flutter,
your flag unfurls.

183
00:08:38,735 --> 00:08:41,129
Your breaths may quicken
to your national anthem.

184
00:08:41,172 --> 00:08:44,088
But for myself,
I shall never forget the ease,

185
00:08:44,132 --> 00:08:45,699
the grace, the earnestness

186
00:08:45,742 --> 00:08:48,615
with which that whitefish
gave itself up to me.

187
00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:51,487
One eye turned chastely
toward its plate.

188
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:55,317
The other staring unconcerned
at its consumer: me,

189
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,755
Benjamin Franklin Pierce, M.D.
"Mental Deficient."

190
00:08:58,799 --> 00:09:03,194
As casually...
almost thoughtlessly...

191
00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:04,587
Yes...

192
00:09:04,631 --> 00:09:06,154
[chuckles]
Even wantonly,

193
00:09:06,197 --> 00:09:08,460
I devoured it.

194
00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:10,114
And without a murmur
of dissent,

195
00:09:10,158 --> 00:09:12,160
without so much as
a whitefish whimper,

196
00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:13,596
it gave itself up to me.

197
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:15,598
Its very molecules
of protein

198
00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:17,992
melding with my own
until today,

199
00:09:18,035 --> 00:09:19,646
That whitefish sings to you.

200
00:09:19,689 --> 00:09:22,910
♪ I'm a Yankee
Doodle Herring ♪

201
00:09:22,953 --> 00:09:25,216
♪ Yankee Doodle do or die

202
00:09:25,260 --> 00:09:27,349
Not bad, huh? You thought
I was gonna be lousy.

203
00:09:27,392 --> 00:09:30,831
♪ Yankee Doodle went to London
riding on a pony ♪

204
00:09:30,874 --> 00:09:35,313
♪ I am that Yankee Doodle
boy-y-y-y-y ♪♪

205
00:09:35,357 --> 00:09:38,012
I always had certain
problems with pitch.

206
00:09:38,055 --> 00:09:40,318
Though it's very hard
when I'm half dead like this.

207
00:09:40,362 --> 00:09:43,147
I'll be much better later
when I'm immortal.

208
00:09:43,191 --> 00:09:45,280
Well, enough about me.
Let's talk about you.

209
00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:46,716
How do you like me so far?

210
00:09:50,677 --> 00:09:51,982
I wanted to say something.

211
00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:53,157
What was it?
What'd I wanna say?

212
00:09:53,201 --> 00:09:56,508
MAN: [speaking Korean]

213
00:09:56,552 --> 00:09:59,163
No, no, I'll think of it.
Don't help me.

214
00:09:59,207 --> 00:10:01,383
Uh, Yankee Doodle,
occipital, whitefish...

215
00:10:01,426 --> 00:10:03,951
Oh. Oh, yeah. I remember.
Sol and Sol's. Yeah.

216
00:10:03,994 --> 00:10:06,954
They had the most fantastic
waitress in there.

217
00:10:08,303 --> 00:10:11,001
I mean fantastic.

218
00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:12,263
Her name was Lefty.

219
00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:16,311
I think she was,
uh, Sol's daughter.

220
00:10:16,354 --> 00:10:18,182
Sol's. Not Sol's.

221
00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:20,707
I went with her my last
year at medical school.

222
00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:24,362
After she finished work,
I'd sneak her into the dorm.

223
00:10:24,406 --> 00:10:27,235
What a terrific kid.

224
00:10:27,278 --> 00:10:29,759
And talk about
your parts of the body.

225
00:10:29,803 --> 00:10:34,068
This girl was built
like a brick autopsy.

226
00:10:34,111 --> 00:10:37,158
I'm making you crazy,
right?

227
00:10:37,201 --> 00:10:38,855
I'll tell you later.
Here comes the wife.

228
00:10:43,294 --> 00:10:45,296
For me?

229
00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:46,863
Oh-oh. It's some moonshine.

230
00:10:46,907 --> 00:10:48,691
Thank you.
That's very generous of you.

231
00:10:48,735 --> 00:10:49,823
I really shouldn't
drink it, though.

232
00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:51,389
Well, maybe just a little.

233
00:10:51,433 --> 00:10:52,521
-[speaking Korean]
-[imitates Korean]

234
00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:57,439
[coughing]
That's, uh, terrific.

235
00:10:57,482 --> 00:10:59,702
[children giggling]

236
00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:01,095
Battery acid, right?

237
00:11:01,138 --> 00:11:03,184
-[children giggling]
-[coughing]

238
00:11:05,273 --> 00:11:07,710
Beautiful kids.

239
00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:09,364
I wish I had
something for you.

240
00:11:09,407 --> 00:11:11,148
Some, uh, you know, some
presento or something.

241
00:11:11,192 --> 00:11:12,759
I don't-- I don't--
I don't have a present.

242
00:11:12,802 --> 00:11:14,238
Oh, wait. Maybe I do.
Wait a minute. In my bag.

243
00:11:16,893 --> 00:11:19,896
You're, uh-uh, brother
and sister, right?

244
00:11:19,940 --> 00:11:23,117
I'm an only child.
No siblings.

245
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:26,337
I guess after they
had me my parents decided
not to sibble anymore.

246
00:11:26,381 --> 00:11:28,731
Here we go.

247
00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:31,299
It's not much,
but it's really nothing.

248
00:11:31,342 --> 00:11:32,648
Yeah, we fool around at the
hospital with these a lot.

249
00:11:35,782 --> 00:11:37,653
[exhaling deeply]

250
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,742
Uh-huh.

251
00:11:39,786 --> 00:11:41,135
I think you
better blow this up.

252
00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:42,397
I'm not a big fan
of fainting.

253
00:11:44,616 --> 00:11:47,010
Just think of it as
a balloon with fingers.

254
00:11:47,054 --> 00:11:49,099
Or an udder
in search of a cow.

255
00:11:49,143 --> 00:11:52,276
That's udderly
ridiculous.

256
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:54,104
If they don't come soon and
put a Band-Aid on my memory,

257
00:11:54,148 --> 00:11:55,758
it's gonna all
come spilling out.

258
00:11:55,802 --> 00:11:58,239
Good. That's enough.
Let me have it. Okay.

259
00:11:58,282 --> 00:11:59,893
Why do I have the feeling

260
00:11:59,936 --> 00:12:02,025
that my entire life
is knocking on my tongue

261
00:12:02,069 --> 00:12:04,288
trying to come out
between my teeth?

262
00:12:04,332 --> 00:12:05,463
There we go.

263
00:12:05,507 --> 00:12:06,551
There.

264
00:12:06,595 --> 00:12:07,988
[chuckling]

265
00:12:11,513 --> 00:12:13,689
[speaking Korean]

266
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:16,170
Eh? Oh, yeah.
Good. Okay, yeah.

267
00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:19,303
Go outside and play
where there's plenty of
fresh air and land mines.

268
00:12:19,347 --> 00:12:20,827
We're not taking those
land mines with us

269
00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:22,263
when we go, you know.
They're yours.

270
00:12:26,615 --> 00:12:28,486
Kids. Nice.

271
00:12:28,530 --> 00:12:30,488
I had a nice kidhood.

272
00:12:30,532 --> 00:12:33,317
You knew where you stood
in those days.

273
00:12:33,361 --> 00:12:35,189
Franklin Roosevelt
was always the president.

274
00:12:35,232 --> 00:12:37,191
Joe Louis
was always the champ.

275
00:12:37,234 --> 00:12:39,149
And Paul Muni
played everybody.

276
00:12:43,371 --> 00:12:44,981
Eloise McKay,
eighth grade.

277
00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:48,463
Ah, you have to understand,
those were the old days.

278
00:12:48,506 --> 00:12:49,594
I mean, we were brought up
to think

279
00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:50,944
that girls were different,

280
00:12:50,987 --> 00:12:52,336
and, uh, and I was
young, you know.

281
00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:53,947
I mean,
girls were martians.

282
00:12:56,601 --> 00:12:58,516
Eloise McKay
let me touch her slip.

283
00:13:01,128 --> 00:13:02,390
She brought it
to school in a box,

284
00:13:02,433 --> 00:13:03,608
and I took it behind
the science building

285
00:13:03,652 --> 00:13:06,176
and touched it.
That was it.

286
00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:10,311
The whole transaction could
have been conducted by mail.

287
00:13:10,354 --> 00:13:11,791
I hope I haven't
shocked anyone.

288
00:13:11,834 --> 00:13:14,141
I mean,
we're all adults here.

289
00:13:14,184 --> 00:13:15,969
By the way,
I'm a doctor,

290
00:13:16,012 --> 00:13:18,406
and I can tell you
for certain that
you're pregnant.

291
00:13:18,449 --> 00:13:20,538
And we know what causes
that nowadays, too.

292
00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:26,283
The smartest doctor
I ever knew was Samuel Sacks,

293
00:13:26,327 --> 00:13:27,807
head of our medical school.

294
00:13:27,850 --> 00:13:29,460
What a terrific guy.

295
00:13:29,504 --> 00:13:31,245
I remember one day
a student was talking to him,

296
00:13:31,288 --> 00:13:33,987
and he said,
"Doctor, what would you do

297
00:13:34,030 --> 00:13:38,078
"if a patient died just as
he was leaving your office?"

298
00:13:38,121 --> 00:13:39,949
And without missing
a beat, Sacks said,

299
00:13:39,993 --> 00:13:42,169
"I'd turn him around
so it'd look like
he was coming in."

300
00:13:44,258 --> 00:13:47,043
A lovely man.

301
00:13:47,087 --> 00:13:48,958
Do you know who I hated?
Mrs. Tomassino,

302
00:13:49,002 --> 00:13:51,439
my geometry teacher.

303
00:13:51,482 --> 00:13:53,920
She terrified me.
She stood over me with a--

304
00:13:53,963 --> 00:13:56,792
in the front row
with this big yardstick.

305
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,839
I used to look up
into her nose.

306
00:13:59,882 --> 00:14:02,319
She had three nostrils.

307
00:14:02,363 --> 00:14:04,147
I guess she thought it was
symmetrical or something.

308
00:14:06,236 --> 00:14:08,108
But she was really nice
if I got something wrong.

309
00:14:08,151 --> 00:14:10,719
She was very helpful.
She'd look down at me and say,

310
00:14:10,762 --> 00:14:12,460
[shouting]
"You got it wrong!"

311
00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:14,027
[dog barking]

312
00:14:14,070 --> 00:14:16,159
-No, no, no, that's all right.
-[barking]

313
00:14:16,203 --> 00:14:17,378
That's okay.
She's not here now.

314
00:14:17,421 --> 00:14:19,380
-It's all right.
-[barking]

315
00:14:21,730 --> 00:14:24,254
I really didn't
need that yelling.

316
00:14:24,298 --> 00:14:25,342
Wish I wasn't standing
so close to me

317
00:14:25,386 --> 00:14:28,476
when I said that.

318
00:14:28,519 --> 00:14:31,392
They really ought
to be here by now.

319
00:14:31,435 --> 00:14:33,307
Somebody from the camp.
I'm gonna wait in the lobby.

320
00:14:33,350 --> 00:14:36,353
Uh, just talk among
yourselves, huh?

321
00:14:42,142 --> 00:14:44,013
Maybe they're never coming.

322
00:14:45,101 --> 00:14:47,887
Maybe this is it for me.

323
00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:50,759
I'm Ronald Colman,
and this is my Lost Horizon.

324
00:14:51,934 --> 00:14:53,240
And you're Margo.

325
00:14:55,111 --> 00:14:58,245
I guess you never
saw that movie, eh?

326
00:14:58,288 --> 00:15:00,247
You probably never see any.

327
00:15:00,290 --> 00:15:01,683
You really ought to,
you know.

328
00:15:01,726 --> 00:15:04,164
There have been
some great ox movies.

329
00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:06,949
The Ox-Bow Incident...

330
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:08,908
A Yank at Oxford...

331
00:15:10,257 --> 00:15:12,824
The Wizard of Ox?

332
00:15:12,868 --> 00:15:15,827
Cow Green was My Valley?
No, that's cheap.

333
00:15:18,569 --> 00:15:21,137
[groans]

334
00:15:21,181 --> 00:15:23,270
Come on, Radar.

335
00:15:25,576 --> 00:15:27,491
Come on. Somebody.

336
00:15:30,190 --> 00:15:32,061
Anybody.

337
00:15:46,162 --> 00:15:48,686
Nothing. Nobody.
I can't understand it.

338
00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:50,123
Sorry. Here.

339
00:15:53,474 --> 00:15:56,085
I don't wanna get any dirt
on your wall-to-wall dirt.

340
00:15:56,129 --> 00:15:59,001
[chuckles] There's a nice
bit of chauvinism.

341
00:15:59,045 --> 00:16:01,177
But I always say, there's
no vinism like chauvinism.

342
00:16:01,221 --> 00:16:03,484
♪ Like no vinism I know ♪

343
00:16:03,527 --> 00:16:05,616
Merman.

344
00:16:05,660 --> 00:16:08,445
Did I tell you I used to have
a practice back in Boston

345
00:16:08,489 --> 00:16:11,492
before I came over here
to work for Harry Truman.

346
00:16:11,535 --> 00:16:13,102
The doctor tell you to
stay away from tobacco?

347
00:16:13,146 --> 00:16:14,974
[laughing]

348
00:16:19,630 --> 00:16:21,458
You know the great thing
about Boston?

349
00:16:21,502 --> 00:16:23,025
It's where all the
musicals come to try out

350
00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:24,244
before they go on to Broadway.

351
00:16:24,287 --> 00:16:25,636
[speaking Korean]

352
00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:27,334
Yeah, yeah. You know,
to fix the book,

353
00:16:27,377 --> 00:16:28,596
add a few songs,
stuff like that.

354
00:16:28,639 --> 00:16:29,901
I saw all the
great ones there.

355
00:16:29,945 --> 00:16:31,425
Oklahoma! King and I.

356
00:16:31,468 --> 00:16:33,296
South Pacific.

357
00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:35,777
[imitating Ezio Pinza]
♪ Some enchanted evening

358
00:16:35,820 --> 00:16:38,606
♪ You may meet a stranger

359
00:16:38,649 --> 00:16:39,781
You know what was
great about that?

360
00:16:39,824 --> 00:16:41,826
The way he did the ending.

361
00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:46,614
♪ Once you have found her,
never let her go ♪

362
00:16:46,657 --> 00:16:49,791
♪ Once you have found her

363
00:16:49,834 --> 00:16:54,578
♪ Never let her

364
00:16:54,622 --> 00:16:56,363
♪ Go

365
00:16:56,406 --> 00:16:57,712
[dog howling]

366
00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:01,716
I think your dog
is better.

367
00:17:01,759 --> 00:17:04,719
I didn't just see hits
there though, you know.

368
00:17:04,762 --> 00:17:07,939
Before I left,
I saw this real turkey.

369
00:17:07,983 --> 00:17:10,768
A musical, Up Your Love.

370
00:17:10,812 --> 00:17:15,077
I remember the big song
from that show... a ballad.

371
00:17:15,121 --> 00:17:19,081
♪ You're mine,
I'm yours, we're ours ♪

372
00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:20,996
♪ Who but you, who but me

373
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,390
♪ Could be us
better than we? ♪

374
00:17:23,433 --> 00:17:25,392
It was a real turkey.

375
00:17:25,435 --> 00:17:27,698
Closed at intermission.

376
00:17:27,742 --> 00:17:30,527
I love the theater,
but I never come late.

377
00:17:30,571 --> 00:17:32,921
That's why the doctor
is a tramp.

378
00:17:32,964 --> 00:17:34,662
And what's wrong with drama?

379
00:17:34,705 --> 00:17:36,925
Watch this. Watch this.

380
00:17:36,968 --> 00:17:38,535
This is-- you're gonna
love this one. Watch this.

381
00:17:40,798 --> 00:17:42,322
Laurence Olivier.
Richard III.

382
00:17:47,762 --> 00:17:50,373
Now is the winter
of our discontent,

383
00:17:50,417 --> 00:17:54,029
made glorious summer
by this sun of York.

384
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,988
Now that's really good.
Let's hear your dog do that.

385
00:17:57,032 --> 00:17:58,860
Come on. Bring him in.
Come on.

386
00:18:03,908 --> 00:18:05,736
[man speaking Korean]

387
00:18:05,780 --> 00:18:07,129
HAWKEYE:
Huh? What? Forgive me.

388
00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:08,435
I don't understand
what you're saying.

389
00:18:08,478 --> 00:18:10,089
Oh, I-I'm sorry.
I didn't know

390
00:18:10,132 --> 00:18:11,264
I was standing
in the dining car here.

391
00:18:11,307 --> 00:18:12,526
Can I help you? Oh.

392
00:18:12,569 --> 00:18:14,615
[speaking Korean]

393
00:18:14,658 --> 00:18:17,270
[woman laughing]

394
00:18:17,313 --> 00:18:19,010
[speaking Korean]

395
00:18:19,054 --> 00:18:21,926
-What?
-[speaking Korean]

396
00:18:21,970 --> 00:18:23,885
Oh, oh! Thank you.
Okay. Thank you.

397
00:18:23,928 --> 00:18:25,495
I-I don't know why
nobody's here yet.

398
00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:26,975
I'm sorry.

399
00:18:27,018 --> 00:18:28,455
Sometimes the war hots up,

400
00:18:28,498 --> 00:18:30,805
and the hospital gets
very busy, you know.

401
00:18:30,848 --> 00:18:34,200
Then at other times you could
shoot off a cannon in there.

402
00:18:34,243 --> 00:18:35,549
Of course,
when they do that,

403
00:18:35,592 --> 00:18:38,029
then the war hots up
all over again.

404
00:18:38,073 --> 00:18:39,640
[speaking Korean]

405
00:18:39,683 --> 00:18:40,858
I get the feeling I'm speaking

406
00:18:40,902 --> 00:18:42,251
in ever-diminishing circles

407
00:18:42,295 --> 00:18:43,600
until I disappear
up my own mouth-hole.

408
00:18:43,644 --> 00:18:45,167
[speaking Korean]

409
00:18:45,211 --> 00:18:47,300
Thank you. Oh,
this is wonderful.

410
00:18:47,343 --> 00:18:49,693
I'm glad I called ahead
for a reservation.

411
00:18:49,737 --> 00:18:51,565
-[speaking Korean]
-[speaking Korean]

412
00:18:55,612 --> 00:18:57,701
Mmm. Good.

413
00:18:57,745 --> 00:19:01,749
Aaah. Hot. Spicy.

414
00:19:01,792 --> 00:19:03,403
[speaking Korean]

415
00:19:05,492 --> 00:19:07,189
Your baby's gonna need
asbestos diapers.

416
00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:10,236
[huffs]

417
00:19:10,279 --> 00:19:11,498
Pretty soon, huh?

418
00:19:13,108 --> 00:19:15,763
Don't you sometimes
wonder about babies?

419
00:19:15,806 --> 00:19:18,418
I mean, how do they know
what to do in there?

420
00:19:18,461 --> 00:19:21,072
They start out looking
like little hairless mice,

421
00:19:21,116 --> 00:19:22,161
and they wind up
looking like us.

422
00:19:24,641 --> 00:19:26,121
How's it all work?

423
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,604
I've... I've held
a beating heart in my hand.

424
00:19:30,647 --> 00:19:33,302
I've poked into kidneys and
crocheted them together again.

425
00:19:33,346 --> 00:19:35,174
I've pushed air
into collapsed lungs

426
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:36,914
like beat-up old pump organs.

427
00:19:36,958 --> 00:19:39,482
I've squeezed and probed
and prodded my way...

428
00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:42,093
through hundreds of miles
of gut and goo...

429
00:19:42,137 --> 00:19:44,313
and I don't know
what makes us live.

430
00:19:44,357 --> 00:19:46,489
I mean, what keeps us
in motion?

431
00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:49,666
What keeps the heart beating
without anybody rewinding it?

432
00:19:49,710 --> 00:19:51,146
Why do the cells reproduce

433
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:54,715
and re-re-reproduce
with such gay abandon?

434
00:19:54,758 --> 00:19:56,238
What force
brought us together

435
00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:57,848
in such fantastic complexity?

436
00:20:00,068 --> 00:20:02,592
I've seen a lot
of bodies...

437
00:20:02,636 --> 00:20:04,507
and they never cease
to amaze me.

438
00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:08,729
Did you ever see Ann Corio

439
00:20:08,772 --> 00:20:10,209
or Margie Hart?

440
00:20:11,775 --> 00:20:13,168
Strippers.

441
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:14,735
For a long time
it was a toss-up

442
00:20:14,778 --> 00:20:16,258
whether I'd marry
a stripper or a whitefish.

443
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,871
I remember Polly O'Day.

444
00:20:20,915 --> 00:20:23,831
She worked with a parrot.

445
00:20:23,874 --> 00:20:25,485
He didn't help her
strip or anything.

446
00:20:25,528 --> 00:20:26,877
While she got undressed,

447
00:20:26,921 --> 00:20:28,531
he stood on the side
and talked dirty.

448
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,578
It was an exciting act.

449
00:20:31,621 --> 00:20:33,536
What a body.

450
00:20:33,580 --> 00:20:34,842
She was built great, too.

451
00:20:36,104 --> 00:20:38,411
[speaking Korean]

452
00:20:38,454 --> 00:20:40,108
Yeah, yeah. But what
I don't understand

453
00:20:40,151 --> 00:20:42,502
is how she got that way
any more than how we did.

454
00:20:42,545 --> 00:20:44,243
I mean,
look at your hand.

455
00:20:44,286 --> 00:20:45,592
It's one of the most
incredible instruments

456
00:20:45,635 --> 00:20:46,723
in the universe.

457
00:20:46,767 --> 00:20:48,290
Of all the bones in the body,

458
00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:49,770
one fourth are in the hand.

459
00:20:49,813 --> 00:20:51,728
Forget the hand.
Look at your thumb.

460
00:20:51,772 --> 00:20:54,035
That wondrous mechanism
that separates us

461
00:20:54,078 --> 00:20:55,732
from the other animals.

462
00:20:55,776 --> 00:20:58,082
The world-famous
opposable thumb,

463
00:20:58,126 --> 00:20:59,954
that amazing device
that has transported

464
00:20:59,997 --> 00:21:03,305
more students to college
than the Boston Post Road.

465
00:21:03,349 --> 00:21:06,265
Ideal for sucking,
especially as a baby.

466
00:21:06,308 --> 00:21:07,875
And lauded in song
and story

467
00:21:07,918 --> 00:21:11,008
as the perfect instrument
for pulling out a plum.

468
00:21:11,052 --> 00:21:12,880
Or, in the case
of the Caesars,

469
00:21:12,923 --> 00:21:14,969
for holding it down
for the gladiator to die,

470
00:21:15,012 --> 00:21:16,275
or holding it up,

471
00:21:16,318 --> 00:21:19,408
which means
"See you later at the orgy."

472
00:21:19,452 --> 00:21:21,192
My friends,

473
00:21:21,236 --> 00:21:22,977
for getting up
and down the pike,

474
00:21:23,020 --> 00:21:24,718
in your pie,
in your eye,

475
00:21:24,761 --> 00:21:27,764
I give you the thumb.

476
00:21:27,808 --> 00:21:29,810
Have you any idea,
Farmer Brown,

477
00:21:29,853 --> 00:21:31,768
of the incredible
complexity

478
00:21:31,812 --> 00:21:33,857
of this piece
of human apparatus?

479
00:21:33,901 --> 00:21:36,120
[speaking Korean]

480
00:21:37,948 --> 00:21:39,341
Of course not.
Never having spent

481
00:21:39,385 --> 00:21:40,821
any time at all
at Sol and Sol's,

482
00:21:40,864 --> 00:21:42,649
swilling borscht and jamming
Latin into your brain

483
00:21:42,692 --> 00:21:44,259
while trying to imagine

484
00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:46,261
if Lefty the waitress
is wearing a garter belt,

485
00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:49,743
you have no idea
of the balletic
interplay of parts

486
00:21:49,786 --> 00:21:51,875
that make up the human thumb.

487
00:21:54,008 --> 00:21:56,489
The flexor ossis
metacarpi pollicis

488
00:21:56,532 --> 00:21:59,274
flexes the metacarpal bone.

489
00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:03,365
That is, draws it inward
over the palm,

490
00:22:03,409 --> 00:22:07,674
thus producing
the movement of opposition

491
00:22:07,717 --> 00:22:10,111
and the Boy Scout salute.

492
00:22:10,154 --> 00:22:13,114
Because of this
magical engineering,

493
00:22:13,157 --> 00:22:15,856
we could do this.

494
00:22:15,899 --> 00:22:17,684
And this.

495
00:22:19,425 --> 00:22:20,948
[coughing]

496
00:22:20,991 --> 00:22:22,166
And this.

497
00:22:22,210 --> 00:22:23,994
But our greatest triumph

498
00:22:24,038 --> 00:22:26,562
comes not from flexing
the metacarpal bone

499
00:22:26,606 --> 00:22:28,347
and making a fist,

500
00:22:28,390 --> 00:22:30,479
which always seems to be
thirsting to be clenched.

501
00:22:30,523 --> 00:22:32,351
No, no, no, no, no.

502
00:22:32,394 --> 00:22:35,484
Our greatest moment
is when we open our hand,

503
00:22:35,528 --> 00:22:39,096
cradling a glass of wine,
cupping a loved one's chin.

504
00:22:39,140 --> 00:22:43,231
And the best...
the most expert of all...

505
00:22:43,274 --> 00:22:45,059
keeping all the
objects of our life

506
00:22:45,102 --> 00:22:46,756
in the air
at the same time.

507
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:48,236
My friends,

508
00:22:48,279 --> 00:22:50,630
for your amusement
and bemusement,

509
00:22:50,673 --> 00:22:52,283
I give you
the human person.

510
00:22:52,327 --> 00:22:54,198
Thumb and fingers
flexing madly,

511
00:22:54,242 --> 00:22:57,245
straining to keep aloft
the leaden realities of life:

512
00:22:57,288 --> 00:22:59,552
ignorance, death,
and madness.

513
00:22:59,595 --> 00:23:01,031
Thus we create for ourselves

514
00:23:01,075 --> 00:23:03,294
the illusion
that we have power,

515
00:23:03,338 --> 00:23:08,387
that we are in control,
that we are... loved.

516
00:23:08,430 --> 00:23:10,301
[speaking Korean]

517
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:15,959
Thank you.
For my next trick,

518
00:23:16,003 --> 00:23:17,787
I will attempt to become
stiff as a board.

519
00:23:21,443 --> 00:23:23,314
I hate to eat
and faint like this,

520
00:23:23,358 --> 00:23:25,273
but I don't know if I can
even make it down to my knees.

521
00:23:25,316 --> 00:23:28,450
[horn honking in distance]

522
00:23:28,494 --> 00:23:30,017
That's him.
It's gotta be. Radar!

523
00:23:30,060 --> 00:23:31,148
[dog barking]

524
00:23:31,192 --> 00:23:32,585
Lassie, it's Radar!

525
00:23:32,628 --> 00:23:34,021
I'll be right there.
Wait a second.

526
00:23:34,064 --> 00:23:35,544
Give me my stuff.
Will you grab my bag.

527
00:23:35,588 --> 00:23:37,111
Wait a minute. Don't...
Wait a minute. My shoes.

528
00:23:37,154 --> 00:23:39,461
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.

529
00:23:39,505 --> 00:23:41,332
[speaking Korean]

530
00:23:45,075 --> 00:23:47,556
Thank you.

531
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:49,428
The love I'll leave with you.

532
00:23:52,692 --> 00:23:54,128
[speaking Korean]

533
00:23:54,171 --> 00:23:56,783
Thank you.
Good-bye, Margo.

534
00:23:58,654 --> 00:24:01,091
[vehicle departing]

535
00:24:06,357 --> 00:24:07,620
Anybody home?

536
00:24:07,663 --> 00:24:08,664
[speaking Korean]

537
00:24:08,708 --> 00:24:10,492
[all speaking Korean]

538
00:24:10,536 --> 00:24:12,233
You get it?
"I have returned"
in Korean.

539
00:24:12,276 --> 00:24:13,756
I brought you
some presentos.

540
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:15,497
For vegetables.
Very good.

541
00:24:15,541 --> 00:24:16,759
[speaking Korean]

542
00:24:16,803 --> 00:24:18,369
You're welcome.

543
00:24:18,413 --> 00:24:20,633
Kids, some comics
and some candy.

544
00:24:20,676 --> 00:24:22,330
Not very good for you.

545
00:24:22,373 --> 00:24:24,245
You better eat the comics
and read the candy.

546
00:24:24,288 --> 00:24:26,290
Sir, some tobacco.

547
00:24:26,334 --> 00:24:28,205
I think you'll find
it's a little better

548
00:24:28,249 --> 00:24:29,772
than the manure
you've been smoking.

549
00:24:29,816 --> 00:24:32,471
-[speaking Korean]
-Thank you.

550
00:24:32,514 --> 00:24:35,430
Here's my name
and my unit in Korean.

551
00:24:35,474 --> 00:24:36,910
I want you to contact me

552
00:24:36,953 --> 00:24:38,999
when it's time
for the baby, okay?

553
00:24:39,042 --> 00:24:40,479
[speaking Korean]

554
00:24:40,522 --> 00:24:42,089
Boy, that smells
delicious.

555
00:24:42,132 --> 00:24:43,525
What are you cooking?
What is that?

556
00:24:43,569 --> 00:24:45,962
-[speaking Korean]
-Oh, thank you.

557
00:24:46,006 --> 00:24:47,486
That smells so good.

558
00:24:50,532 --> 00:24:52,403
Mmm. Meat!
Where'd you get meat?

559
00:24:54,797 --> 00:24:57,147
Wait a minute.
Where's the dog?

560
00:24:57,191 --> 00:24:59,672
-[dog barking in distance]
-Ah. That is delicious.

561
00:24:59,715 --> 00:25:01,238
Mm. Tasty.
What do you--

562
00:25:01,282 --> 00:25:02,501
So what do you put in it?

563
00:25:07,636 --> 00:25:09,856
♪♪ [theme]